Summer Time, High Time

Hi! This is my first post of 2019.
Welcome back!

So, I had this cool idea a few days ago. I’m going to try my hardest to post at least once every month. Kinda like a monthly report, but cooler. I mean, they’re supposed to be posted at the end of every month, but this one is going to be an exception. I’m feeling kinda down recently, especially today, which is why I decided to post a little bit sooner. Who knows, maybe something really interesting happens to the point where I’ll need to post twice this month.

Anyway, let’s begin. If you somehow don’t know, december and january are usually vacation months for brazilian students, which obviously includes me. Hooray! Two straight months of having fun, traveling, hanging out with friends… except for me. For a few different reasons. Let me explain.

First, having fun is a kinda generic term. Each person has a different way of having fun. Mine is pretty much like everyone else’s, but considering my friends are usually unavailable, and my parents don’t let me leave the house without them taking me wherever I wanna go, I don’t have much time, ironically. I can only go out at saturdays and sundays, pretty much.
So, I resort to my own way of having fun – videogames. Who doesn’t love them, am I right? And online games are even better! You can get to play with anyone you want, wherever they are. Sounds amazing, right? Well, it is, as long as, again, your friends are available. And my friends have better stuff to do than play, apparently. In the end, there’s only loneliness for me.

Traveling isn’t exactly the most fun thing to do in my family. Mainly because we only travel to my relatives’ houses, which is kinda shitty. I’ve always wanted to maybe travel to another state, or another country – that would be really cool. But I’m kinda poor, even though my friends don’t believe me. I’ve never even went to an airport in my entire life, believe me or not. So, everytime I’m traveling, it’s either to Jaú, or Gália. Jaú is fine, I guess. There’s a pool, my family is there, there’s barbecue. We’re having fun, kinda. The main problem is that I’ve been going there for, what, my entire life? I’m tired. Especially seeing literally everyone around me travel to amazing and interesting places, while I’m here. Stuck in the same place for almost 16 years. It sucks.

Hanging out with friends is self explanatory at this point. But since we’re on the topic of friends, I’ve suddenly realized that literally everyone of my friends have really interesting lives. They seem to always be having fun, but even though I’m kinda realizing this through the stuff they post in social media, I know for a fact that they really have more interesting lives than me. By the way, I’m not trying to say they should have worse lives so I could feel better. I just feel like my life, in comparison to everyone else’s, is just so… boring. And because of that, I feel like I’m boring too. I feel like, in a relationship for example, I wouldn’t have anything of value to offer to my partner. I mean, that’s pretty much what is happening right now to the only real relationship I’ve ever had.

Lately I’ve found an online community called MGTOW – Men Going Their Own Way. I’ve seen some awful posts from there – mainly men who hate women because they believe they’re all whores and only care about money and whatever. But there’s a few of them who actually seem like reasonable people.. and they’ve been convincing me about a lot of stuff. Primarily, I like the concept of, you know, going your own way to become the best version of yourself. That’s really cool in my opinion. But I really don’t believe in a lot of stuff their “ideology”, I guess you could say, believes in. Anyway, I’m not going into detail here in this post. I’ve just started learning about them, so I couldn’t go into detail even if I wanted. I just feel kinda connected to that mindset, and maybe that kind of mindset might help me overcome my problems right now. I think I just I need a little bit more time to make sure I’m not going to become a scumbag after following them.

I know this is really off-topic but I just need to vent about this for a second:
Some time ago, there was this “event”, I guess you could say, where a popular politician here in Brazil said something like “boys wear blue, and girls wear pink!”, and I remember the rage most people felt because of that. It’s obviously a statement to provoke people who believe in gender ideology, but whatever, I’m not here to talk specifically about politics.
Last year, there was this girl that I was kinda close to. I remember one day I told her I was really into a pink Vans that I’ve seen online, that I thought looked really cool (pink is my favorite color, by the way). She imediatelly told me “yeah, I’m sure you’d look really masculine in that”, mocking me obviously. Now, after what that politician said, I see her posting on Facebook how mad she is about that and blah blah blah. Like, bitch, can you be less hypocrite please? If you’re mocking me for whatever color of clothing I’m wearing but one second later seems to be so angry because of that statement, then let me tell you, you’re a fucking hypocrite. End.

Well, I guess that wraps it up. I’m sorry if this post was a bit confusing. I swear I tried to organized my train of thought but I guess it didn’t work that well. Anyway, thanks for reading. See you in the next one.