The Three Last Years

No, I’m not talking about the three (four, actually) last years in which I haven’t posted anything to my blog. I’m talking about my three last years of school. I’m going to use this blog, from now on, to vent about some stuff that is happening, and is going to happen in this time. So, yeah, you can expect at least a few posts in the next three years.

This year, I’ve entered a new school. Yay kill me!

The school itself is pretty neat. I’ve met some really cool people, the teaching methods are good, and overall I’m having a nice experience. The only problem is that, I’m feeling quite alone. I know this is a bit ironic considering I just said that “I’ve met some really cool people”. The thing is that these people aren’t hanging out with me per se, but with my friend – let’s call him Jones here – and since I’m always with Jones, I’m technically hanging out with his friends. And let me tell you, this isn’t cool, especially since I have this really weird feeling that they don’t really want me around.

I’ve started noticing that at the first chats we’ve had. Usually, I wouldn’t get included in the conversation, and I often got kicked out of the group “unintentionally” because of the amount of people in the group (usually 4 people + me and Jones). I can’t describe much about this because 1. my English is terribly bad, and 2. I just don’t know how to describe it. lol.

Just imagine you being a short guy, at the back of a crowded group, with all of the conversation happening in the middle. There’s no way you can join that without looking like a douche pushing people, which is why I tend to stay at the back, looking at my phone, and just chilling listening to some songs, while I wait for the group to dissolve and finally be able to talk to Jones again.

don’t blame them, actually, and I also don’t blame Jones. I blame myself for all of this. When you think about it, Jones is a short guy just like me (a few centimeters taller. Doesn’t make a difference, though), so my height isn’t the thing separating me from other people. What is separating me from other people is my social skills. The thing is that Jones is EXTREMELY sociable. And when I saw extremely, I’m not overexaggerating. This guy can talk to literally anyone he wants and maintain a steady and strong conversation with this person for at least 1 hour straight. Wish I could learn anything from him, but I already know what he’s going to say. “It’s just natural”. Just another way of saying “Fuck off, go watch some random dude’s tutorial on YouTube”. Again, I don’t blame him. I know I’m a useless fuck.

But I’m at least trying to change. And I believe that venting here is one of the stuff that is actually going to help me.

Oh, and btw, if you were one of the few people that were here before all of the sudden changes in my blog and is now wondering “why the hell is he speaking in English?”: I just think that it’s a prettier language than brazilian portuguese. Plus, I want to train my English.

If you have somehow managed to read everything here, then props to you, you deserve a cookie. Expect me more often here from now on. Thanks.